Just kidding (kind of). This post is a constructive use of the slogan, not a political statement.
Back in November, WordPress (WP) sent me an invitation to take a free course called Introduction to Blogging for Beginners. I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants right from the very beginning, so I thought there might be something of value for me to learn.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot I already knew just by doing, but there’s just as much that I didn’t. I know it’s an advertising ploy (no dummy here) and it may just work, but so far, I’m still on the fence about buying the course. First, let’s see if I learned enough from the intro to grow blog readership and increase market demand for my books, just a little.
In the meantime, I’m doing what I can to Building Back Better Davydsblog. Part of the learning process involves blogging exercises WP calls challenges. Unfortunately for me, these challenges are all closed to new entries. I guess I missed the deadlines. But as a writer, I’ve learned three things that are simply undeniable. One, you never know where inspiration will come from. Two, you never know when inspiration will erupt. And three, if you don’t act on inspiration immediately, you lose it forever.
My next post,The Door at Night, was inspired by one of these WP challenges. I read the challenge just before Christmas. I finished it on Christmas Eve. If you read it, you’ll understand my delay in posting.
In yesterday’s post, I hinted at a second entertaining story courtesy of my passengers, and here it is.
But first, let me set the scene. It was a clear and crisp day. The kind of day people pay good money to experience during Florida’s winter.
FYI—For all you northeast liberals: I’m a conservative, and just like everything else I say, I just lied about the weather. The truth is the weather sucks. Also, mask and vax mandates, Joe’s build back better (or for worse) plan, and defunding the police, are huge successes. So stay right where you are, and keep on voting for politicians like AOC and Joe Biden.
Now, back to setting the scene:
My bus is a full fare bus which means $1.50 buys you a seat. There are qualified discounts, but first, you must qualify. We also have free-fare bus routes for people who live in certain areas. For this story, we’ll say that people from Tim-Buck-Too (fictitious) qualify to ride these free routes, but again, the route I drive is not free, so that doesn’t apply.
My route is a big loop, approximately one hour long. On this particular loop, I arrived at one of my stops with an empty bus and slightly ahead of schedule. One passenger was waiting to board, so I knelt the bus and opened the doors.
Big Red, as we will affectionately call him for obvious reasons (he’s big and has red hair), boards my bus and feeds a dollar into the farebox. Then, he continues to his seat as though he paid the full fare. To do it right takes practice because you need to do it fast, and in one swift motion. It’s the first rule of bad ridership. If you don’t do it right, you have to stop, allowing the driver an opportunity to catch you shorting the fare. Big Red was an expert, and as such, made his way to the rear of the bus. He figured that he got away with it again (Dumb driver), mistake number one.
I waited until he got comfortable in the back seat of my 40-foot bus. Why? Because I’m not as dumb as I look and this isn’t my first rodeo. “Excuse me, sir. The fare is $1.50.” Big Red pretended not to hear me—standard operating procedure for experienced riders. But I wasn’t deterred and repeated, “Sir, the fare, it’s a $1.50.”
“Oh. I didn’t know. I never rode the bus before, and everyone said it was a dollar.”
Mistake number two, I know he’s an experienced rider but I played along. “No sir. This is a full-fare bus and it’s a $1.50.”
Big Red didn’t like being challenged like that, so he forgot the second rule of bad ridership; when the driver expects you to come to the front of the bus for any reason, always walk as slow as possible. Remember, the driver has a schedule to keep. But Big Red let his temper get the best of him and charged to the front. “Since when is it a $1.50? I always pay a dollar.”
Mistake number three. He just said that he was a new rider. I ignored this mistake as well and pointed to the front of the farebox. “What does it say?” When Big Red finished reading, he just stood there like a statue. So, I repeated, “What does it say?”
He hadn’t figured out a response yet, so he told the truth. “It says a $1.50 but ….. Oh. Wait. What if I’m from Tim-Buck-Too?” If he was a new rider, how would he know about Tim-Buck-Too? Mistake number four.
I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I don’t care if you’re from Pluto. This is a full-fare bus.”
He shot back with the smartest-ass answer he could muster, “What if I’m from Uranus (pronounce your anus)?”
I’m an experienced driver, and insults like this don’t really faze me one way or the other. So I said with a smile, “Then you’ll have to get off my bus.”
He wasn’t expecting that response, especially attached to a big smile. It caught him off guard because he was trying to anger me and it didn’t work. He paid the 50 cents and went back to his seat wondering what the hell just happened.
Here’s another FYI. Drivers are still required to wear Biden-Masks even though passengers are not. How does that make any sense? I don’t know. Anyway, I repositioned it so it could finally serve a function, help hide my laughter.
By the time we got to the end of the route, Big Red wanted to get off the bus to smoke a cigarette before continuing. The route ends and begins at a transfer stop where we wait five minutes while passengers change buses. On his way off the bus, he stops and asks, “Is it okay if I go smoke a cigarette?”
I’m still trying to hold back laughter, “Sure.”
He didn’t realize it, but the joke was on him and every time he opened his mouth, I had to struggle not to laugh. He saw that I wasn’t angry, and for the life of him, he didn’t know why. The more he thought about it the more he started to worry. Then, he realized that he was physically off the bus and earlier I mentioned something about him having to get off my bus. I could see it on his face. He was really confused and getting more concerned by the minute.
It was time for me to stretch my legs. As I got off the bus, I walked past him and started to make my way down the loading deck towards the security guard. Big Red saw this and panicked. Then, he did the only thing he could. “Driver! I’m sorry about that Uranus remark.”
I turned back, “Why? I thought you meant it as a joke.”
Big Red was at a loss. “Uh, I did.”
“Well, that’s how I took it. If you didn’t mean it as a joke, you’re walking.”
“No. No. It was totally a joke.”
I wasn’t trying to get the security guard’s attention, I just happened to walk in his direction. He looked at me and asked, “What’s that about?”
“I’ll tell you later.” And then, I walked to the other side of my bus and cracked up laughing until it was time to go.
In case you missed the joke, when my passenger posed the question, “What if I came from Uranus (pronounced your anus)?” He quite literally called himself a piece of shit.
A Big Red Piece of Shit.
Sometimes, the hardest part of my job is keeping a straight face.
I just so happened to be looking at an old post I wrote back in October titled The Art of Not Saying when I came across this. Fauci said that the spread of covid wasn’t caused by immigrants. His exact words, “This is not driven by immigrants.”
Again he was referring to the spread of Covid-19, and he was absolutely right. Click on the link above to find out why. Don’t worry. It’s a quick read.
Why am I bringing this up again? I think it’s the same logic being used by the Biden administration when they say the Build Back Better/Hyper-Inflation Bill won’t cost a penny and will actually reduce inflation.
I had two RBDBE’s about this while driving last week, but they turned out to be duds. I never figured out the hook. How are they contorting the words so that it isn’t a lie? They had me stumped. So much so, that I started to worry because maybe, just maybe, there isn’t a hook.
If there isn’t a hook then, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Could it be true?
What do you think?
Would you believe any of them?
Where’s the Truth?
PS – Alas, while typing this post, I had another RBDBE, and this one didn’t fizzle. The answer is as terrible as it gets for democrats and the facts.
They simply don’t care that they have to lie about their ideology and policies. So they do. Whether it’s the border crisis, Americans left behind in Afghanistan, inflation, Hunter’s ties to the CCP, just lie about it until something else comes along to lie about.
Shoo….. Thank God for RBDBE’s.
PPS – Democrat Senators, are you smart enough to listen? Your Representative Brethren in the House did not.