Bus Driver Stories_Big Red’s Planetary FU

Another Passenger Folly

In yesterday’s post, I hinted at a second entertaining story courtesy of my passengers, and here it is.

But first, let me set the scene. It was a clear and crisp day. The kind of day people pay good money to experience during Florida’s winter.

FYI—For all you northeast liberals: I’m a conservative, and just like everything else I say, I just lied about the weather. The truth is the weather sucks. Also, mask and vax mandates, Joe’s build back better (or for worse) plan, and defunding the police, are huge successes. So stay right where you are, and keep on voting for politicians like AOC and Joe Biden.

Now, back to setting the scene:

My bus is a full fare bus which means $1.50 buys you a seat. There are qualified discounts, but first, you must qualify. We also have free-fare bus routes for people who live in certain areas. For this story, we’ll say that people from Tim-Buck-Too (fictitious) qualify to ride these free routes, but again, the route I drive is not free, so that doesn’t apply.

My route is a big loop, approximately one hour long. On this particular loop, I arrived at one of my stops with an empty bus and slightly ahead of schedule. One passenger was waiting to board, so I knelt the bus and opened the doors.

Big Red, as we will affectionately call him for obvious reasons (he’s big and has red hair), boards my bus and feeds a dollar into the farebox. Then, he continues to his seat as though he paid the full fare. To do it right takes practice because you need to do it fast, and in one swift motion. It’s the first rule of bad ridership. If you don’t do it right, you have to stop, allowing the driver an opportunity to catch you shorting the fare. Big Red was an expert, and as such, made his way to the rear of the bus. He figured that he got away with it again (Dumb driver), mistake number one.

I waited until he got comfortable in the back seat of my 40-foot bus. Why? Because I’m not as dumb as I look and this isn’t my first rodeo. “Excuse me, sir. The fare is $1.50.” Big Red pretended not to hear me—standard operating procedure for experienced riders. But I wasn’t deterred and repeated, “Sir, the fare, it’s a $1.50.”

    “Oh. I didn’t know. I never rode the bus before, and everyone said it was a dollar.”

    Mistake number two, I know he’s an experienced rider but I played along. “No sir. This is a full-fare bus and it’s a $1.50.”

Big Red didn’t like being challenged like that, so he forgot the second rule of bad ridership; when the driver expects you to come to the front of the bus for any reason, always walk as slow as possible. Remember, the driver has a schedule to keep. But Big Red let his temper get the best of him and charged to the front. “Since when is it a $1.50? I always pay a dollar.”

Mistake number three. He just said that he was a new rider. I ignored this mistake as well and pointed to the front of the farebox. “What does it say?” When Big Red finished reading, he just stood there like a statue. So, I repeated, “What does it say?”

    He hadn’t figured out a response yet, so he told the truth. “It says a $1.50 but ….. Oh. Wait. What if I’m from Tim-Buck-Too?” If he was a new rider, how would he know about Tim-Buck-Too? Mistake number four.

    I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I don’t care if you’re from Pluto. This is a full-fare bus.”

   He shot back with the smartest-ass answer he could muster, “What if I’m from Uranus (pronounce your anus)?”

How did Uranus end up on its side? We’ve been finding out | Salon.com

https://mediaproxy.salon.com/width/1200/https://media.salon.com/2014/03/uranus.jpg

   I’m an experienced driver, and insults like this don’t really faze me one way or the other. So I said with a smile, “Then you’ll have to get off my bus.”

He wasn’t expecting that response, especially attached to a big smile. It caught him off guard because he was trying to anger me and it didn’t work. He paid the 50 cents and went back to his seat wondering what the hell just happened.

Here’s another FYI. Drivers are still required to wear Biden-Masks even though passengers are not. How does that make any sense? I don’t know. Anyway, I repositioned it so it could finally serve a function, help hide my laughter.

By the time we got to the end of the route, Big Red wanted to get off the bus to smoke a cigarette before continuing. The route ends and begins at a transfer stop where we wait five minutes while passengers change buses. On his way off the bus, he stops and asks, “Is it okay if I go smoke a cigarette?”

    I’m still trying to hold back laughter, “Sure.”

He didn’t realize it, but the joke was on him and every time he opened his mouth, I had to struggle not to laugh. He saw that I wasn’t angry, and for the life of him, he didn’t know why. The more he thought about it the more he started to worry. Then, he realized that he was physically off the bus and earlier I mentioned something about him having to get off my bus. I could see it on his face. He was really confused and getting more concerned by the minute.

It was time for me to stretch my legs. As I got off the bus, I walked past him and started to make my way down the loading deck towards the security guard. Big Red saw this and panicked. Then, he did the only thing he could. “Driver! I’m sorry about that Uranus remark.”

    I turned back, “Why? I thought you meant it as a joke.”

    Big Red was at a loss. “Uh, I did.”

    “Well, that’s how I took it. If you didn’t mean it as a joke, you’re walking.”

    “No. No. It was totally a joke.”

    “Good.”

I wasn’t trying to get the security guard’s attention, I just happened to walk in his direction. He looked at me and asked, “What’s that about?”

    “I’ll tell you later.” And then, I walked to the other side of my bus and cracked up laughing until it was time to go.

——-

In case you missed the joke, when my passenger posed the question, “What if I came from Uranus (pronounced your anus)?” He quite literally called himself a piece of shit.

A Big Red Piece of Shit.

Sometimes, the hardest part of my job is keeping a straight face.

Biden’s Plan B, $1.7 Trillion

Infrastructure Bill

Today, I listened to Joe (LGB) Biden crow about his success with the house vote on his infrastructure bill. And in all fairness, because I believe in giving credit where credit is due, he sounded presidential for the entire—first half of the speech. That should not be taken as a statement of support. I’m simply providing a measure of quality concerning the speech itself. As for content, The White House production was a blatant lie. According to Joe, the bill won’t raise our taxes, cost us a penny, or cause inflation.  At this point, the speech rapidly deteriorated into what you’d expect, non-presidential babble about Trump, covid, and disjointed answers to staged questions.

Before writing this post I decided that I’d try to do a little fact-checking on the internet. I seem to remember that when President Trump conducted an interview or televised speech, the fact-checkers had the results posted within minutes, if not seconds. I figured the same would be true of LGB Biden. But that isn’t the case. Even with all the misleading innuendo and carefully chosen phrases, I knew Biden lied. Still, I couldn’t find any immediate fact-checking to corroborate or contradict the BS he was shoveling. HEY …

Random Bus Driver Brain Eruption (RBDBE):

I just noticed something awfully coincidental; LGB (let’s go Brandon) looks a lot like LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, transgender) at a glance, and if you’re not careful, it reads the same way. Ummmmm……coincidence, irony, programming?

Anyway, back to the subject driving this post. When I did my fact-checking search, I was directed to The White House Live website. There, the speech was posted in its entirety. I noticed something right from the start that didn’t make sense to me. The video is one-hour, thirty minutes, and ten seconds long. I had just finished watching the speech live and it didn’t seem to last more than thirty minutes. I really didn’t want to hear Biden lie again, but curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked play.

Well, it turns out that the first forty-three minutes of Joe’s address is a blue screen with a note saying We Will Begin Shortly. The actual speech lasted about thirty-two minutes which is close enough for government work not to conflict with my original estimate. Followed by another fifteen minutes of blue screen thanking me for joining Biden as he spoke about the passage of the bipartisan infrastructure bill.

My takeaway?

Out of more than ninety minutes of speech time, one full hour was blue-screen. A blessing in disguise—because it means less lies…….Did I just do that? Yes, I did.

But I also think there’s a more important message. After forty-five minutes of preparation, Joe Biden can only last about thirty minutes in front of a camera. It’s a sad state of affairs that the left created and Joe is the living proof. Imagine if you gave President Trump an hour-and-a-half to speak.

We don’t just want President Donald J. Trump in 2024, we need him.

Now, this is what I call a congressional Posse for 2022 (or 2024).

Conservative futures.

Romney Crawls Out

I’m home from work sick with the flu today and I heard on the radio that Mitt Romney held a press conference. I had no idea what it was about but my first inclination was to wonder why he crawled out from under his rock in the first place. Look, I know from my last post some people might think that I’m a Trump supporter. So, I’m going on record right now. The only way I would vote for Trump is if his opposition is Hillary, Bernie, or Mitt. But that’s for another post.

So, where does Romney get the idea to go on national television and trash Trump? I’ll tell you where. It’s the Republican Establishment that gave us Mitch McConnell, John “Cry Baby” Boehner, and yes, even Paul Ryan. And no, I’m not going to sugarcoat it, these guys are liars. They, and every single career politician like them, will say and do whatever they think they need to in order to stay in power. Forget what’s right or good for the country.

That said. No matter what Mitt does or says, now or in the future, will ever erase the image in my mind of that man at the end of the third debate. He was the last to speak and Barrack Hussein Obama could not respond. The camera was close in, the presidency on the line and millions of voters were waiting to hear him say, “And if I were President, Benghazi would never have happened. Furthermore, if you elect me President, those guilty and the countries that support them, will be held to account.”

He said nothing.

This is the man who now stands and criticizes Donald Trump on national TV. Romney, a man who quite literally looked America in the eye, squatted, and took a huge fly-circling, steamy-stinky shit on all his supporters, the office of the President, and the United States of America. It wasn’t just a mistake; it was a colossal exhibition of ineptitude.

By the way, didn’t Trump endorse Romney when Romney ran for President? I wonder what Mitt was saying about Donald back then (just four years ago). Liar, liar!

Mitt, I have two words of advice for you. First, please do us all a favor and crawl back under that rock you were hiding under and don’t ever come out again. Second, most of us, Liberal, Independent, and Conservative, consider our pets as part of the family. Family rides in the car, not on top of it.